Understanding the Roots of Stress

For 25 years, I navigated the demands of a high-pressure corporate environment. In that world, stress and anxiety seemed almost normalized, and admitting difficulty in coping was often viewed as a sign of weakness. However, as I aged, my ability to handle stress diminished, leading to significant struggles with both stress and anxiety. Fortunately, I discovered a "solution" that proved effective for me, and I wish to share it with you.

When I talk about a "solution," people often ask, "What steps should I take?" They anticipate a magical formula or a detailed guide. My response is often met with puzzled expressions: "There’s nothing you need to do." Instead, I emphasize, "It's about understanding something for yourself."

The first step is recognizing how stress is generated. Once you grasp this concept, you can manage stress more effectively, and it may even dissipate entirely.

To illustrate this point, consider a child watching a horror film. They may cry, cover their eyes, or run to their parents in fear. Why this intense reaction? It stems from their lack of understanding that it’s merely a movie. Typically, a parent will reassure the child, explaining, "It's not real!"

As that child grows older, they may still feel apprehensive during suspenseful films. I often find myself checking closets and looking under the bed after a thriller, feeling momentarily scared. However, as soon as I remind myself, "It's just a movie," the fear subsides.

This analogy mirrors the understanding I wish to impart about stress. Firstly, stress isn’t a physical entity; it’s intangible. You can feel it, but what exactly are you sensing?

Stress is fundamentally a thought—nothing more, nothing less. A stressful thought triggers your body’s stress response: your heart races, adrenaline surges, and you experience a physical reaction to that thought.

The crucial realization is that stress is not external; it arises entirely from within you. It’s your thought—no one else’s. While external events may act as triggers, they do not create stress; you are the one generating it, similar to how a child perceives a movie as real.

For instance, if there’s a tight deadline at work, it may serve as a trigger. Yet, among five employees facing the same deadline, one might feel overwhelmed, two or three may feel mildly stressed, and one could remain unfazed. If the deadline were the cause of stress, wouldn’t everyone feel equally stressed?

Each individual has a unique perspective on that deadline. The more anxious thoughts one has, the greater the stress experienced. Ultimately, stress is not an inherent reality; it’s something we create within ourselves.

Realizing that stress is self-imposed is liberating. You are in total control. When you attribute stress to others or external situations, it feels uncontrollable. However, understanding that it lies within your grasp allows you to manage it effectively.

And the best part? You don't need to take action. Simply acknowledging how stress is formed is sufficient.

The downside is that you may forget this insight, just as I sometimes feel frightened by a scary movie despite knowing it’s fictional. You may temporarily lose sight of the fact that stress is merely a product of irrational, self-created thoughts, leading to feelings of anxiety. Yet, once you recognize this, the stress can vanish if you stop entertaining those anxious thoughts.

As a writer, I start my day early and typically finish my writing by 10:00 a.m. Recently, however, I encountered a day where distractions prevented me from completing my writing. As a result, I felt stressed, irritable with my family, and discontented because my schedule had been disrupted.

I could have blamed the distraction for my stress, allowing it to ruin my day. But with my newfound understanding, I quickly identified the source of my feelings. I realized I was fabricating my own stress.

There was no actual requirement to complete my writing by 10:00 a.m.—it was merely a self-imposed routine. I created a rule and then became stressed when I couldn’t meet it.

You might read this and think, "So what? It seems too simplistic." Intellectually, it may resonate, but to truly grasp this concept at a deep level, leading to real change in your life, will take time.

Understanding that stress is self-imposed can be liberating. While you may not control the thoughts that arise, you wield complete power over your reactions. At its essence, the realization that our thoughts do not equate to reality is profoundly freeing.