Understanding the Freeze Response in Relationships: An In-depth Guide
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Chapter 1: The Freeze Response in Relationships
In school, I learned there were primarily two reactions to stress: fight and flight. The fight response, fueled by cortisol and adrenaline, drives a person to confront challenges aggressively. Conversely, the flight response compels one to escape the situation entirely. However, as I matured, I discovered that my instinctive reaction to stress, particularly in relationships, was neither of these. Instead, when faced with conflict, I often felt immobilized—unable to articulate my thoughts or summon the drive to communicate, even if I wanted to.
This lesser-known response, often overlooked, is crucial to understand: the freeze response.
Today, I want to delve into freeze responses—what they entail, the reasons behind them, and strategies to manage them when they arise. These responses are often linked to behaviors like "stonewalling" and can manifest in various aspects of life, often to our detriment.
Section 1.1: The Biology of Stress Responses
To comprehend freeze responses, it's essential to understand the biology behind stress reactions. When we encounter stress, our amygdala—the brain's fear and threat center—signals to the hypothalamus. If deemed necessary, the hypothalamus activates a stress response via the autonomic nervous system (ANS), a vast network of nerves within our body.
The ANS branches into two parts: the sympathetic and the parasympathetic systems. The sympathetic system governs the fight or flight response, triggering the release of hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, which prepare us for action.
In contrast, freeze responses occur primarily due to the dominant activation of the parasympathetic system, which manages "rest and digest" functions. This leads to a slower heart rate, reduced arousal, and a sense of fatigue—essentially the opposite of the sympathetic response. It's crucial to note that freeze responses activate both branches of the ANS, with the parasympathetic system being more dominant. This dual activation can create a paradoxical state of feeling stuck—lacking motivation to act while simultaneously feeling a surge of anxiety and panic.
For instance, I once faced a stressful situation while working from home that made me so overwhelmed I fell asleep. In that case, my parasympathetic system was highly engaged. Alternatively, during conflicts with romantic partners, I often felt paralyzed with panic, indicative of sympathetic activation, yet still overshadowed by parasympathetic reactions.
Section 1.2: Identifying Freeze Responses
Recently, I had a challenging travel experience from my hometown in Wales to visit my partner in Dublin. I forgot my phone in my sister's car, faced train delays, and ended up standing for three hours with no available seats. By the end of the day, I realized I had misplaced my new headphones—a minor issue, but it put me in a sour mood.
Despite my excitement to see my partner after two weeks apart, I found myself slipping into my default freeze response, losing all motivation to talk. For half an hour, I sat silently in the car, even when asked how I felt, responding with a flat, emotionless "I'm fine."
Freeze responses can be perplexing; although I desired to lift my mood, I felt paralyzed. Each person's reaction to stress varies based on context, personal history, and the activation of their sympathetic versus parasympathetic systems. Recognizing your unique responses is vital to reclaiming your autonomy.
The symptoms of freeze responses often include:
- A complete lack of motivation to confront or escape stress.
- Sudden fatigue when faced with challenging situations.
- Emotional or physical numbness as a protective mechanism against pain.
- Difficulty in processing thoughts and emotions, leading to an inability to express oneself.
- A slower heart rate and shallow breathing.
Section 1.3: Managing Freeze Responses
Unfortunately, those who frequently experience freeze responses often have developed this reaction as a coping mechanism from an early age. Significant stress or trauma during childhood may have led to the adoption of this response, making it a default reaction even in less severe situations.
To navigate freeze responses effectively, consider the following strategies:
- Awareness: Recognizing the onset of a stress response is the first step toward change.
- Breathing Exercises: Since freeze responses can lead to shallow breathing, using deep breaths can help invigorate both mind and body.
- Movement: Though it may feel counterintuitive, moving your body can assist in breaking free from the freeze state.
- Set Boundaries: Communicate with your partner about your freeze responses so they can approach sensitive discussions with understanding, allowing you time to process information.
- Ride the Wave: Sometimes, simply sitting with the discomfort until it passes can be effective. After some time, my need to speak returned naturally.
- Therapeutic Support: Consulting with a therapist can help address underlying trauma linked to freeze responses and develop anxiety management techniques.
Thank you for taking the time to read this article and for your continued support. I invite you to follow Above The Middle for more insights and share your thoughts in the comments. I look forward to connecting with you soon.
Joe Gibson, Above The Middle
In this video, "You've Hidden Your Feelings For Long Enough," learn how to identify and heal from your freeze response.
The video "Managing the Freeze Response: Dissociation, Emotional Shutdown, and Creating Safety" offers strategies for navigating and understanding these complex stress responses.