Embracing Change: My Journey Away from a PhD Program
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Chapter 1: A Dramatic Transition
After two years of effort, I find myself at a significant crossroads in life. While it may sound overly dramatic, this moment feels monumental. For those unaware, I had recently embarked on a PhD in Renaissance History, envisioning a future as a dedicated scholar, complete with tweed jackets and endless cups of coffee in esteemed institutions. Yet, here I am, no longer on that path.
The reasons for my departure are straightforward, albeit disheartening: financial strain, emotional stress, and the impact on personal relationships. Pursuing a PhD during such turbulent times—marked by economic instability, geopolitical conflicts, and political unrest in the UK—was a high-stakes gamble. Time is relentless, and I find myself fighting back tears, even as my instinct is to conceal my emotions.
Description: Explore four compelling reasons to reconsider your PhD pursuit and learn when it might be wise to step back from your academic ambitions.
Do you aspire to pursue a PhD?
I won't dictate your choices if you're contemplating a PhD. My experience, while significant to me, does not dictate yours. Each individual's journey through a PhD is distinct and personal.
Rather than inundate you with statistics, I resonate with Han Solo's sentiment: "never tell me the odds." Many individuals successfully complete their PhDs, achieving fruitful careers in both academia and other fields. For every cautionary tale, there exists a story of triumph. History has often painted bleak pictures, yet it’s crucial we also recognize the positives.
Chapter 2: Understanding Your Motivation
If you desire to pursue a PhD, reflect on your true motivations. I struggled to answer this question, as I'm inherently introspective and reluctant to confront my own thoughts. My initial response would have been that I wanted to educate and enlighten others, which holds some truth but doesn't capture the full picture.
The reality? I sought a PhD to fulfill an idea of myself. It became a refuge from the parts of my identity I found unappealing, allowing me to immerse myself in research and scholarly discussions, creating a buffer against self-doubt and anxiety. However, I recognized that this pursuit could drain joy from my life, ruin my relationships, and leave me in financial distress.
Description: A personal narrative of leaving a PhD program, shedding light on the motivations and realizations that led to this decision.
Should You Continue?
If you’ve read this far and are currently engaged in a PhD or a similarly demanding endeavor, ask yourself: why are you holding on? Sometimes, enduring discomfort is worthwhile, but it's essential to ensure that you’re not clinging to something without purpose. My mother once compared me to a lion with a thorn in its paw—too proud to seek help. Letting go was liberating.
I want to emphasize that this is not a conclusion. My passion for history and writing remains intact, and I now have the freedom to explore these interests. Don't hastily abandon your pursuits after reading this; instead, take the time to reflect. Allow yourself to consider the possibility of moving on. Holding onto unfulfilling commitments can be detrimental.
I wish to conclude on a hopeful note: having stepped away from my PhD, I now look toward the future with optimism, not the grim inevitability of defeat, but with the open-heartedness of someone ready to embrace new possibilities. I have space to breathe and to rediscover happiness.
This reflection is something I needed two years ago, and writing it has contributed to my healing. I hope it resonates with you, no matter what path you choose. Best of luck, miei amici.