Step 1: Shift Blame to Others

Always find a scapegoat for your troubles. From now on, if anything unfortunate occurs, it’s never your fault. You're merely a victim in this harsh world, right? The challenge lies in pinpointing someone to blame, but don’t fret—you can always target the government, society, large corporations, or even your parents. They make for convenient targets!

Step 2: Complain Relentlessly

Next, seek out reasons to complain—about everything! If you intend to be unhappy, ensure those around you share in your misery. Complaining serves to repel any enjoyable, wealthy, or interesting individuals from your life, as misery truly loves company. So, keep the complaints flowing, whether in real life or online. Engage in every argument, stir up debates on social media, and let everyone witness your dissatisfaction.

Step 3: Evade Discomfort at All Costs

Personal growth necessitates stepping outside your comfort zone, right? To remain miserable, however, you must shun any uncomfortable or challenging experiences. This means avoiding difficult conversations with loved ones, forgoing the development of new skills, and steadfastly refusing to reconsider your beliefs. Stay stagnant and safe—growth is overrated!

Step 4: Rely on Others for Solutions

Let’s be honest. It can be draining to complain all day. Eventually, you may feel hopeless. But remember, you’re not without hope—you’re simply a poor soul. The ideal way to prolong your misery is to entrust someone else with solving your issues. Whether it’s a family member, an ideal partner, or a politician, sit back and wait for your savior. Spoiler alert: they won’t arrive, and your despair will deepen. Perfect!

Step 5: Get Upset When Others Fail You

When your savior inevitably lets you down, express your frustration. How could they not solve all your problems? This isn’t your fault; it’s theirs. This provides another opportunity to complain and evade responsibility. Keep the cycle in motion—blame, complain, and anticipate further disappointment.

Step 6: Obsess Over Others' Opinions

Here comes the fun part—start fixating on what everyone thinks about you. Did someone you barely know send you a birthday wish on social media? What could their motive be? Why did they block you? Overanalyze every interaction and convince yourself it all revolves around you. After all, you are the center of the universe!

Step 7: Broadcast Your Negativity Online

At this stage, you’ve reached peak unhappiness. Everyone recognizes it, and some may even mention it to your face. So, what’s the next step? Share all your negative thoughts on social media, especially on platforms like Twitter. The algorithms will cater to you by connecting you with like-minded individuals. If you believe everyone is against you or that the government owes you, you'll find a community that agrees. It’s a relentless cycle of negativity!

Step 8: Numb Your Emotions

Congratulations! You've navigated this far, and your life is a complete mess. It’s time to numb the pain. Immerse yourself in distractions such as video games, TikTok, or even more destructive habits like alcohol, gambling, or casual relationships. The objective is to dodge confronting your issues at all costs.

Step 9: Embrace the Idea That Change Is Futile

Finally, the icing on your misery cake: convince yourself that change is unattainable. Tell yourself that happiness is beyond your reach and that your life will always be a source of despair. It’s not your fault, after all. This belief is the final ingredient for crafting a perpetually miserable existence.

If you've adhered to these steps, congratulations! You're now the epitome of unhappiness. But hey, if you're truly committed, maybe consider making a change... or not. The choice is yours!