Chapter 1: The Struggle to Understand Change

Is it merely a midlife crisis, or could it be a spiritual awakening? Feeling lost may actually serve as a crucial wake-up call.

Life seems to be operating differently now. I find myself forgetting things more frequently and acting out of character—like this morning when I accidentally tossed an empty cup into the washing machine and a kitchen towel into the sink. Just yesterday, I wandered into the bedroom and stood there, staring at the bed. I mean, it's a lovely brass Victorian style, but I’ve seen it countless times before. Why was I staring?

The moment I stepped into the hallway, clarity returned. After a restless night, I no longer see the 'fresh out of bed' glow in the mirror; instead, I’m confronted with a look that resembles a wild animal after a storm. Getting dressed feels like a battle of proportions, with more of me spilling out of my clothes than fitting in them, thanks to the changes in my once firm physique.

Even applying makeup has become a challenge; it seems to spread around my face instead of enhancing it. I feel like I'm transforming into someone unrecognizable, and I’m left wondering who that person is.

Yesterday, I had lunch with a group of close friends—individuals I’ve shared countless experiences with, from fitness classes to spa days and bubbly brunches. But as we sat together, I felt disconnected, as if I no longer belonged. I lacked the enthusiasm to discuss the latest antics of our favorite soap opera character or the local café drama. I wondered if there was more to life than this.

A few weeks ago, while anxiously waiting in the dentist’s office (which I dread), I caught myself daydreaming about trying aerial yoga—suspended upside down from the ceiling. I envisioned a monkey climbing a tree from my unusual perspective. A young man—half my age and shirtless—caught my eye, but I found myself indifferent to his physique. As I swung gently in my imagination, I felt a release of stress that had accumulated over two decades, despite having never practiced yoga before.

Today, I noticed I was running late, which is unusual for me. Typically, I pride myself on punctuality; after all, there are always people needing my assistance. Yet, I've begun to feel a tinge of resentment about this constant need to please others. I recognize that while I may bear responsibility for my feelings, there are deeper issues at play.

Growing up, if we were fortunate enough to have nurturing mothers, we often observed their sacrifices—our needs came first, and theirs were sidelined. I remember my mother serving my father dinner before anyone else, often rushing to fulfill every demand. I even recall missing her pick-up from school for two months because she was bedridden with stress.

While women of my generation have made strides towards empowerment, the old patterns linger. Yes, there are many women now making significant impacts in the business world, rising from traditional roles to create equal opportunities.

I feel an urgency for change, yet I’m terrified. Right now, I feel like a creature trying to shed its old skin, but it’s clinging tightly, making every movement uncomfortable. I sense there is more to my existence than constant busyness and waiting for others to call on me.

I yearn for peace and a sense of freedom—much like the carefree spirit of Julie Andrews running through rolling hills. I want to reclaim my identity or perhaps discover who I truly am beneath the layers of expectation.

Something feels amiss, and this unease has been brewing for quite some time. I’m conscious of the ticking clock yet confused about how to navigate this time. I’m considering meditation as a means to uncover the answers that seem elusive.

The insights I’ve relied on from the outside world no longer resonate. This reflection draws upon my own experiences and those shared by my clients. It aims to convey the typical challenges faced during midlife while still being entrenched in a conventional mindset.

I hope you find some relatability and humor in these thoughts, and perhaps your own sense of hope is rekindled.

Much love,

Nic xx

Chapter 2: Seeking Clarity Through Experience

The first video titled "Crisis in Your 20s or 30s? It's Not a Midlife Crisis" explores the common feelings of confusion and uncertainty that arise during transitional life phases. It offers insight into recognizing these experiences as opportunities for growth rather than crises.

The second video, "This is My Story About My #MidlifeCrisis Turned #SpiritualAwakening," shares a personal narrative of transformation and the journey from feeling lost to discovering a renewed sense of purpose.