Chapter 1: The Weight of Unmet Expectations

In the journey of writing, there are moments that strike deeply, reminding us of the capricious nature of fate. These experiences can feel as if malevolent forces are toying with our aspirations, leaving us to grapple with feelings of absurdity and disappointment.

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By Eric Maisel

Recently, renowned San Francisco artist Paul Madonna, who illustrated my book A Writer’s San Francisco, faced a serious car accident. I wish him a swift recovery and would like to share some reflections inspired by his work.

I find it challenging to recall the exact location of a significant conversation I had in the Laurel Village area of San Francisco, which featured charming Edwardian and Victorian homes, all shaded by leafy trees. My thesis advisor, Herb Wilner, was battling cancer during that time. I can’t remember if I was visiting him because he was too ill to meet at his office or if we typically met at his home.

What I do remember is lighting a cigarette upon my arrival, only for Herb to softly request I extinguish it, as he was struggling to breathe. At that time, I was unaccustomed to the idea of considering others when it came to my smoking habits.

Reflecting on my past arrogance, I regret never having read Herb's fiction. He had published a novel and a collection of short stories, set in a New York college, possibly even Brooklyn College, where I had previously flunked out in 1965. I assumed, without reading his work, that his writing must be “academic fiction,” vastly different from the profound narratives of Dostoyevsky and Camus.

Herb seemed melancholic, but not resentful; the illness undoubtedly weighed on him. He shared a story about a missed opportunity involving a New York Times reviewer who had his novel but was uncertain about reviewing it. Coincidentally, during the reviewer’s weekend in San Francisco, Herb was out of town, leading to a missed interview and a lost review.

To be passed over by the New York Times due to mere chance is both disheartening and absurd, leaving a lingering sadness that is hard to shake. Herb recounted this tale with a sense of wistfulness, as though it were more a dream than a nightmare. Yet for any writer, it held a nightmarish quality.

I recall a publisher in Fresno who, running a small press, published a memoir of a lesser-known actress from a 1970s hit show. The memoir was gaining traction, but the publisher decided to disconnect from work during a weekend book fair in Los Angeles. He thought it unlikely that anything critical would come through while he was away.

However, shortly after he left, one of Oprah’s producers attempted to contact him, wishing to feature the actress and her memoir on the show. Unfortunately, by the time he returned home and heard the message, the opportunity had vanished, and they had moved on to another guest.

There exists a daily struggle for writers: the frustration of not writing, producing subpar work, or facing rejection from editors. Yet, there are also those moments of sheer insanity that seem to mock your efforts, suggesting that the universe is playing a cruel joke on you. How can one invest two decades into writing only to miss the pivotal opportunity of their career due to a simple weekend getaway? It can feel like a cruel twist of fate.

But we must resist succumbing to the notion that such missed chances denote a life devoid of meaning. It’s imperative to engage our “inner cognitive therapist,” using logic to reframe our thoughts and infuse hope into our narratives. We cannot let the belief that “missing that reviewer is proof my life is a farce” go unchallenged. Declaring one’s life a farce is an even greater tragedy than failing to secure that review.

I seldom find myself in Laurel Village anymore, nor do I often think of Herb Wilner. Yet, today my thoughts drift back to him. I wish he had been available that weekend to meet with the reviewer and secure a favorable mention in the New York Times. I hope he has found a peaceful writing space in the afterlife.

Chapter 2: The Impact of Chance

The first video reflects on the nature of luck, exploring whether certain events are truly fortunate or unfortunate. The narrative delves into the philosophical aspects of luck as it relates to personal experiences.

The second video takes a closer look at the healing properties of herbs found in Jamaica, offering insights into the powerful medicinal plants that can play a significant role in health and wellness.